Sugar Love
by Jessi a.k.a. Crash
Summary: This is not, I repeat, NOT a citrus fic. With that said, on with the summary. Beat's got a fan, but it's not all that it's cracked up to be. The chase ensues with flying hotdogs and yam obsessions. No, I'm not joking.


Sugar Love  
  
A/N: All the characters I own in this fic are Speed, Crazy, and Omega, nothing else. If you have something against pointless, incredibly random fics, I suggest you hit the "back" button now. This is not what it seems! This is not a citrus fic! So all you perverts had better hit the "back" button now.   
  
It was your average day in Tokyo-to. Planes were running late, Onishima had gained five pounds solely because of doughnuts, Tab was falling into open man-holes, and the sun was beating down mercilessly upon the city of the daylight, Shibuya-cho. Beat was tagging in the Park Street playground, and was sweating so much that his headphones were slipping off of his ears every time he so much as slightly bent his head towards the ground.  
"I don't believe this!" he panted, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand. "How can it be so hot?"  
As the sound of "Electric Toothbrush" faded away in his headphones, Professor K's loud voice replaced it.  
"Jet Set Radio! Hey all y'all! Today's a bad day for tagging! A heat wave has struck the city, and it's getting close to one hundred degrees out there! And Park Street is almost abandoned! The only person there is Beat, who stinks to the highest of heavens!"  
Beat sniffed at his armpit. His eyes turned into swirls and he teetered on his skates for a moment. He fell onto a nearby swing head first, slipped off it, thanks to the power of sweat, and hit the ground with a loud thud.  
"Better get a band-aid, Beat! Jet Set Radio!"  
As "Bout the City" began to pulse in his ears, he pushed himself off the ground, grumbling something or other about psychic d.j.s. He heard a small squeal from behind him. Before Beat could turn around, somebody had their arms wrapped around his chest and their face buried in his back.  
"Oh, Beat! Beat, Beat, Beat! I'm your biggest fan!"  
"Uh...I'm flattered.... Really. Now will you let go of me?"  
"Oh...okay..."  
Slowly and reluctantly, Beat was released. He turned around, and found a girl about his age standing in front of him with a starry, lovestruck look in her black eyes. Her black hair was short and spiked back. She wore a white sweatshirt with an emblem of a cheetah on the back, dark blue jeans, and had on baby blue skates.  
"Speed?! What happened? Why'd you change your clothes?" Beat sweatdropped.  
"Oh, this is just a style change. I'm glad you noticed it!" Her eyes turned into hearts.  
"Wha-...Did you you say something about being...my biggest fan?!"  
"Yep! I'm you fan!"  
"Um...Speed?  
"Yes, Beat-chan-dear-love-sweetie-pie-darling-angel-of-mine?" Beat, blushing furiously, sweatdropped and Speed giggled.  
"Are you on...speed or crack or something?"  
"I love you!"  
"You...what now?"  
"I love you! I love everything about you! I love you, leader! I love you!" Speed cooed as she snuggled up to Beat.  
"Are you aware that I smell worse than fresh roadkill on a hot day?"  
"I don't care! But, lucky for us, Onishima does." Speed explained as she pointed down the street to where Onishima stood, feverishly fingering his gun with one hand and stuffing doughnut after doughnut into his mouth with the other. Beat sweatdropped once again, and began to pry Speed off of himself.  
"Speed, really, I'm very flattered by all this but..."  
"But what, Beatie-pie?"  
"I love Gum." he said as he finally got the crazed girl away from him.  
"Oh, don't worry about her! I sent her on a little vacation!"  
  
Somewhere in Brazil, Gum was trying to find somebody, anybody, who spoke Japanese.  
"I'm from Tokyo-to! I speak Japanese! Where's the Japanese Embassy?!" she screamed at a cowering native.  
"No habla ingles!"  
"No! It's Japanese, you freak! Japanese!"  
"Yam?" the man said as he offered her a vegetable.  
"No! I don't want a yam! I want...you know, I am kind of hungry..."  
  
"You talked Gum into going to Brazil?" Beat said in shock.  
"Not exactly. I diluted alot of sleeping pills in her juice yesterday morning, and shipped her off an hour later!" Speed explained matter of factly. "Now you're mine!"  
Speed dashed toward Beat, but he took off, jumping down to the street, and skating madly towards Onishima with Speed on his tail screaming that she loved him and couldn't live without him. Onishima wasted no time; he turned tail and ran, trying to escape from Beat's horrid body odor.  
"Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh! Perfume! Cologne! Geraniums! Get me anything that smells nice!" the captain yelled, unaware that he was calling for help with a doughnut instead of his walkie-talkie.  
"Arrest me! Arrest me! Arrest me!" Beat pleaded.  
"Marry me! Marry me! Marry me!" Speed cried.  
  
"Give me that yam!" Gum ordered as she chased the native around in circles.  
"No habla ingles! No habla ingles!" he said as if it would save his life.  
"I'll hit you so hard, you're going to habla ingles if you don't give me that yam!"  
  
"Onishima?! Where are you?!" Beat shouted as he raced through Shibuya-cho, with Speed still on his tail, looking for Onishima, who had mysteriously slipped away from the rudie. "Don't you want to arrest me?!"  
"He probably realized that we make a perfect couple and went to get a priest!" Speed yelled dreamily.  
  
The Love Shockers that were standing atop a nearby building were completely disgusted. One of them hurled a spraypaint can at Speed's head, knocking her out and giving Beat the time he needed to escape. The Love Shockers laughed maniacally and went to buy some hotdogs to celebrate.  
  
Tab was rolling through the bus terminal glumly. He was covered in thick sewer sludge and grumbling something about "lazy sewer worker people". A split second later, Beat was on his knees in front of him.  
"Please, Tab, hide me!"  
"From what? Is Gum pms-ing again?"  
"No! Speed's in...love with me! She's turned into a rabid fan girl!"  
"Man...wish I had one of those."  
"Oh, Beat!" they heard Speed sing from a few blocks away. "Where are you my love?"  
"Tab, please! Hide me!"  
"Alright, alright, calm down! I'll find a spot!"  
"She's coming over the top of the hill!" Beat whispered helplessy.  
"Man, she's hot with a different top! She'd be even hotter with no top!"  
"Tab!" Beat shouted as he stood up and whacked his friend's head. "Now isn't the time!"  
Speed heard Beat's yell, and skated faster.  
"I hear you! I'm coming for you, my love!"  
"Why didn't Onishima arrest me?!"  
"Possibly because you reek."  
"She's nearly here!"  
"Um...ah-ha!"  
"What are you-"  
Beat was cut-off when Tab suddenly pushed him into a nearby open man-hole. Speed skidded to a halt in front of Tab, looking around madly for the love of her life.  
"Where'd Beat go? I saw him here just a second ago!"  
"You didn't see where he went?" Tab asked, sweatdropping.  
"No, some Love Shockers started throwing hotdogs at me."  
"He went that way." Tab said as he pointed in the general direction of their hideout. "To the garage."  
"Thanks, Tab!" Speed raced away.  
"Anytime, Speedster."  
When Speed was out of sight, Tab dashed over to the open man-hole.  
"Beat? Beat?! Beat!" Tab screamed. "Where are you, man?!"  
  
In another part of Shibuya-cho, Beat was climbing out of an open man-hole, covered in slick goo. He grumbled something roughly sounding like the Latin words for geraniums and peanut butter. He rolled lazily down the street casting casual glances from side to side, and suddenly stopped in his tracks.  
"Oh my...so this is why I couldn't find Onishima!"  
Lo and behold, Beat was staring into the incredibly large window of the "Shibuya-cho Aerobic Empire", where a class was working out. Near the back of the class, barely visible, was Onishima.  
"Oh, Beat! Stay right there!" Speed's far off voice sang. "I love you!"  
"How'd she find me?! Wait a minute...this street is...one of the shortest routes to the garage! Man, I gotta hide!"  
After looking around frantically for a moment, Beat dashed inside the aerobics gym, joining Onishima.  
"What are doing here, punk?!" Onishima mumbled. "You smell even worse now!"  
"Listen, man. There's a rudie-turned-rabid-fan-girl chasing me screaming that she loves me."  
"I wish I had one of those. Who is it?"  
"A GG named Speed."  
"The newbie in the halter top? You are lucky."  
"Dude, I don't want to ask this, but will you arrest me?"  
Onishima tripped and fell in shock. Beat pulled him back up to his feet.  
"Please arrest me!"  
"Why? If I bring in anybody that reeks as much as you, even if it is a rudie, I'll be fired!"  
"Then just pretend to arrest me!"  
"No way. Hey, there's your woman!"  
Onishima pointed out the window to where Speed was gazing lovingly at Beat. She waved, blew him a kiss, and walked inside.  
"She looks even better in that shirt!" Onishima wolf-whistled.  
"Look, dude-"  
"Hey, handsome!" Speed cooed as she ruffled Beat's hair with her hand. "Where've you been?"  
"Everywhere, but right now, I'm..." Beat trailed off as he caught Speed's hand and held it for a moment. "...out of here!"  
Beat dashed out of the gym leaving behind a very surprised Speed.  
"Why does he run away from me?" she sobbed quietly.  
"Hey, don't cry. I'm still here." Onishima said as he put his arm around Speed's shoulders.  
"Ew, sicko, get away from me!" Speed shouted as she swiftly kicked Onishima where it counts.  
Speed barreled out of the gym, leaving the captain to tend to his bruises.  
  
The sun was at its peak. Beat was skating for his life. Speed was following him at breakneck speed and gaining fast. Onishima was whimpering in pain. Tab was still screaming into an open man-hole. A Love Shocker choked on a hotdog.  
  
A crate marked "fragile" was loaded onto a an airplane in Brazil. Gum's voice could be heard from inside it.  
"Am I being deported?! Where's that yam?! Airline food gives me hives!"  
A nearby worker told another worker that the crate was being deported to Japan. Gum didn't know any foreign languages, but she recognized the name of her home.  
"Cool! A free ride home! May I have a complimentary yam?"  
  
Speed was close enough to Beat to hug him. She giggled in delight and prepared to throw her arms around him. Out of nowhere, a red skate and a green skate tripped Speed and she fell face first to the concrete, once again blacking out. Two girls, a red head with green skates and a blonde with red skates, stepped out of the shadows. The red head had green eyes, and wore a black vest and blue jean shorts. The blue eyed blonde wore shorts as well, and a purple tank top.  
Beat stopped and caught his breath.  
"Crazy! Omega!" he gasped. "Do you know what's wrong with her?"  
"No." the blonde, Crazy, replied. "But, we all went for a style change!"  
The red head, Omega, sweatdropped.  
"We'll get her under control and meet you back at the garage, okay Beat?" Omega said as she picked Speed up.  
"Thanks. See you later!" Beat said as he skated off.  
"You know, today was interesting." Omega sighed.  
"Yeah!" Crazy agreed. "Maybe we should pour tons of sugar into Speed's cereal tomorrow too!" 


End file.
